worldsaway | [RIVERVIEW] ic inbox;

I made those up.

[ For the most part. Loki hadn't really believed in them. They were a pipe dream. Steve, however was real and his devotion was real. ]

But he thinks the world of me.

[It makes Thor happy to hear, but there's a hollow feeling in him. If he's interfering too much, if Loki wants more space than he's giving him.]

He's a clever man. [Thor hums.] I'm happy to hear it.

[ Loki eyes him briefly, expecting some form of jib before he relaxes. ]

. . . Thank you.

[ He's tempted to say if Thor hadn't been here, if Loki had been alone, it could have been far worse. Chances are he wouldn't have tried at all, simply resuming the cycle once more. But Loki still cannot put that to words. ]

[Sincere surprise crosses Thor's face. He thought he was being a hassle, and he genuinely can't imagine why Loki would thank him.]

For what?

[ For trying, but Loki balks at saying so. Instead he shakes his head. ]

I needed to say it.

Then I'm sure I needed to hear it.

[It's hard to say I appreciate it. It's hard to take credit for anything when he feels almost selfish for how much he clings to Loki.]

[ Loki glances at Thor, trying to gauge his mood. Thor has changed, far beyond what Loki believed he could. Sometimes that leaves him askew, unsure of where he stands with his brother. He has always, to some degree, relief on the belief that Thor would always be there, even when he was frustrated or tired with Loki. Save for his disastrous fall, that has always proven to be true. But all favors, all good intentions run out and Loki has expended them continuously.

So he lingers in fear. ]

I have never done it before. I suppose I am . . . trying.

[Something has changed in Thor. Something that tells him that all his pushing, all his effort is for nothing when what Loki wants is to make it on his own. He's not angry or bitter, though he is disappointed. He's just resigned himself to it.

Perhaps a while ago, he would have been elated to see Loki try. At this point, he feels himself become suspicious of the timing.]

Are you worried I'm going to die? [He asks, prying into where Loki's intentions lie.]

[ Loki blinks. ]

What? No. Why would — Is that what you think will happen with the canisters?

I don't know what will happen, I assume you don't either. [It's hard to be serious, alright.]

If you die, we'll be at tragic death number three.

[ Loki frowns. It had crossed his mind, but at this point, it's hard to be really upset about the possibility of dying. Though now he's vaguely irritated that Thor thinks Loki would say such things on a potential death bed.

( even though he's not wrong. ) ]

I do not, but I don't think I'll be dying either. Or you.

If witnessed my visions, you would be more concerned. [It's been a nightly thing. Lying in bed, seeing the visions play in his mind again.

And then he connects the dots.]

..Something has already come into fruition.

You have yet to speak of them fully to me. You know I have no real ties to Asgard's life.

[ Granted, their last conversation had been. Rough. ]

[Thor opens his mouth, closes it and realises Loki is right.

Briefly, he wonders if he should keep it to himself. Keep the torment to himself but ultimately decides that sharing the burden make it easier.]

I saw visions of Asgard. It was dark, people were dancing, laughing. [He gestures, vaguely.]

There was a hooded figure, but I couldn't see his face. Then Heimdall found me, and he was drunk. I think. And his eyes were white and he said I lead us all to Hel. That we were all dead. [He's going to keep gesturing as he rambles.] And then.. all of that power. That electricity. It was coming out of me and I couldn't control it, I killed someone and Heimdall told me that I am a destroyer. [He says it pointedly. The word has been cycling his mind for some time.]

After that, I began to see infinity stones. A gauntlet. The extinction of everything and- Stark's face. Which was the worst of it.

[He gives Loki a lopsided smile.] Do you think we should be concerned.

[ A gauntlet. A little colour slips from Loki's face though he hides it well. Had Thanos decided to change his mind? No, he wouldn't deign to come. He has nothing to fear from Earth or any other Realm. He prefers to let others do his bidding. Loki has a hard time picturing him coming for it personally.

He will make you long for something as sweet as pain. No doubt. Still, this vision had unusual signs. Thor mentions a figure and yet says his face. Heimdall's eyes and his wild prophecy.

Instead Loki clicks his tongue. ]

A vision with Stark? Awful indeed.

It would be foolish to ignore it. The Stones are dangerous business, wherever they may be. And Heimdall could always see far. But perhaps not far enough to say you are a destroyer. You may be reckless and not often cognizant of your strength, Thor, but you are a warrior. It is not in you to destroy.

There is a warning, but fear should not drive it.

Not on purpose. [Thor argues. Putting an end to his fear would require admitting that he's afraid of himself in the first place.]

You cannot tell me you aren't the least bit afraid of what will become of us. [He's almost desperate for Loki to admit that he's worried, too. He doesn't want to be the first to say that, for once, he truly is afraid of what might happen next.

He always goes into battle with confidence, but there's so much he can't comprehend and so many things he's learning only now. He's never had visions and he's never had power like this before.

Loki is the only familiar thing, but he may well have been what lead to their destruction. Regardless, Thor still wants him to be scared, so he can be the brave one who protects them.]

[ For a minute, there's nothing but silence. Thor's words hang in the air. Finally, Loki sits down, his hands folded together. He does not make eye contact, his usual tell when he is trying to put into words something deeply personal without wavering. Most people feel the opposite, but Loki changes when he makes eye contact. The need to conform, to bend to other's expectations comes from making eye contact and Loki could not afford that right now. ]

I'm always afraid.

[ The words comes out quietly, a quiet puff of breath. For a moment, Loki considers taking it back, leaving. Fear leaves him bare, leaves him without his defenses. And yet. ]

I hurt Taako recently and I stayed away because I thought he would not come back. I hurt Steve once. He called me a mistake and I don't know how I stayed then, but I was scared. I was scared when I told you the truth and realized there was no coming back from it.

[ Loki exhales, digging his fingers into his palms in frustration. ]

It is always, always like this since the Vault. I don't think I remember a time when I haven't been scared, Thor. But I know this much — I am tired of it.

[Thor doesn't press for words to fill the silence. He's patient, waiting for Loki to withdraw from himself and talk.

His lips press into a thin line, hearing it. It becomes apparent that Loki has monsters Thor can't fight for him, just as Thor has problems Loki can't soothe with words.

It doesn't matter how far they stray, Loki is a familiar comfort. His words hold weight for Thor, they mean more than anyone else's. He aches, knowing Loki is afraid and he's powerless, but he's right to worry that they may never come back from whatever happens back home.]

Perhaps for once, Loki needs to be brave and Thor needs to be clever? [His voice still has a strain to it, like he needs to convince himself as much as Loki.

He circles him, planting his hands on his shoulders to grip them firmly.]

You've come so far now, further than even I thought you could. [He squeezes his shoulders, then releases them.] You can keep going.

I — [ He squeezes his eyes briefly, not wanting to let any other weakness show before opening them once more ] — I suppose I am not ready to stop.

[ Even though that would be far easier. But Loki has started digging his heels and stopped taking the easy way out. ]

Are you scared, brother?

I'm concerned.

[It feels a little dishonest, in the wake of Loki's admittance. He quite obviously grapples with it for a moment before he speaks.]

If I could allow myself to live in blissful ignorance, I think I would.

You were never made for ignorance.

[ As tempting as it sounds, Loki has a hard time picturing Thor doing it. ]

You had your fill of it in Asgard long ago. Whatever comes, you are still mighty. You will handle it.

You're very generous with your flattery today, Loki.

[Thor smiles. His hands stay on Loki's shoulders, still squeezing.]

Whatever happens in there- I can't promise I won't be angry with you. But I can promise I won't forget how far you've come out here. If you can find happiness here, well, I have hope for you anywhere.

[His smile softens, he reflects and remembers a moment they shared what feels like forever ago.]

Now, give us a kiss.

Edited 2017-11-13 01:56 (UTC)

[ Loki huffs. ]

It's not my fault you're missing the obvious. Brooding away. It's disturbing.

[ But his eyes flicker down to Thor's hands on his shoulders as he relaxes. At least that promise exists. It is far more than he had hoped for. Still, . . . Loki takes the cushion to throw it at Thor's face. Kiss indeed. ]

I brood because you make me.

[Thor says, defiantly. He's not quick enough to dodge the pillow coming at him, so he grunts when it smacks him square on the nose.

He fumbles to catch it, swinging his arm back and forth to pelt Loki as many times as he can with it.]

You don't get to pin this on me — Argh, you brute!

[ Loki flails, covering his face with his arms. ]

Edited 2017-11-13 11:24 (UTC)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject